Delusional Girl Profile: An interview with Bitgurl Bleu
We caught up with musician, creative technologist, and it girl of the future, Bitgirl Bleu to discuss her online identity, latest pop culture obsessions, and endeavors in coding the hottest clothes in cyberspace.
@bitgurlbleu via IG
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How would you introduce yourself as an artist?
Bitgurl: I would just be like “Hi, my name is Bitgurl.” Because the first website that I ever created was a website called BitGurl.
Do you remember how you came up with the name Bitgurl?
B: Yeah, there was this artist called Cory Arcangel – he did a lot of creative coding projects and he had one where he deleted everything off of Mario Bros except the clouds. I had just finished learning about that in class. And there’s this thing called Lil Miquela from around 2018 or 2019, and I thought it was really cool – like this fake person is just on the internet for us to interact with. So I wanted to try something similar, making, like, a fabricated identity and putting it online. So I made Bitgurl a soundcloud because I was taking a sound class at the time, I made her an email, I made her an Instagram [account] and I just started posting as her. Months later my friends started calling me Bitgurl Bleu because that was my instagram, and that’s how it started…I’ve been making music my whole life, like just writing lyrics or having them in my notes app and stuff. One day I went to my friend’s studio, and it was like I already had this Soundcloud because of Bitgurl, so I was like why not actually make something for her to release?
What was that first song called?
B: It’s called “Draft.” It’s still on my Soundcloud like I’m not gonna take it down…I literally freestyle for the majority of it…And that’s how I started making music. I was like ‘I don’t even know if this is good.’ It just started out as a good way to decompress and just feel excited about something and combine my ideas. I’m a very tech forward thinker, and Bitgurl literally started because of a website I made.
Were you expecting Bitgurl to lead to a career?
B: No. Even now it’s just fun for me… It just was really cool for me to think about something that seemed unattainable and just do it. I feel like I’m progressing emotionally and spiritually because I’m fighting against the part of myself that’s too fear-oriented to do stuff.
Is it easier now?
B: It doesn’t get easier… I definitely get nervous or anxious and worry about how people are gonna see me… I don’t know how much you believe in like astrology, but I found out that my north node is in Leo and your north node is your destiny, and my south node is in Aquarius – your south node is like what you’re born with and what you have to learn or unlearn – so of course I’m gonna hate being in the spotlight. I think it’s the act of not caring what people think that heals me…When I found that out I was like “Oooh.” That’s why I have like a panic attack every time I have to go on stage. Like what is it about me that has the desire to quiet myself? It definitely comes from the fear of being too loud… Music is the thing that helps me not do that. Accomplishing things in music has become a bit of a spiritual practice for me. And I didn’t realize that.
Can you talk more about that awareness of being perceived and how it’s affected your work?
B: Yeah. That awareness for me came out of a deep fear of people not perceiving me the way I wanted to be perceived. I know it’s really easy to say this, but you have to not worry about that… But it’s a subconscious thing. I just realized that there are some people who never worry about how they’re coming across or how they’re affecting other people, and they’re so happy. But I always have this urge to please people and it drives me crazy.
Can you pinpoint where that urge comes from?
B: I feel like mine probably comes from some childhood bullshit, I don’t know. But also the need to take care of everybody but myself.
That reminds me of this quote that’s like, “You are your own voyeur.” Of course I can’t remember who said it, but the point is that women all have this inner male spectator analyzing and commenting on our every move.
B: Yeah, and being black women that’s especially true. There’s this book by Simone Brown called Dark Matter about how when you’re black you are inherently surveilled… We’re just used to eyes coming into our space and just watching. As a black woman it’s something I feel a lot, especially in the music industry which is so white male dominated… Feeling like people don’t necessarily respect me and what I have to say… It’s daunting. But at this point, I’m already here.
Can you talk about your future plans?
B: Yeah… I’d also like to add that I have a lot of Virgo placements, which is why I’m so self critical – have you seen The Good Place?
Yes.
B: I’m literally like Chidi… I’m always thinking of the moral implications of things. Like, “What are the ethical ramifications of what I’m doing right now?”
Especially being a black woman. It feels like everything we do is symbolic of something or has huge consequences. Like it becomes so hard to just do what you want.
[At this point, we go on a long tangent about Doja Cat and how harshly people started critiquing her on social media after she shaved her head.]
B: OK but back to what I’m doing in the future… I have a lot of unreleased stuff… I wanna put out an EP that feels authentic to who the Bitgurl brand is. I have a show on March 28th. I’m gonna print some shirts that have a graphic that I made… I’ve been working– oh, I’m post grad by the way – I’ve been working on a brand… Pretty much doing all of that, making music, creative directing… In the rest of my free time I’m a creative technologist.
Ok, I have a two parter: What do you mean that you’re coding clothes? And what research goes into that?
B: I had a senior thesis. When I graduated last year, I had to write 20 pages which was really terrible. Already in a rigorous program, [and] on top of that I had to create a project to go with it, and help plan the exhibition… My senior thesis was called “If this was a digital garden, what would grow?” I was struggling that semester with concepts of the self, honesty, digital honesty – this term that my friend Olivia Rose-Johnson coined – “data trauma.” That subconscious feeling of being discarded by technological bias. One concept that I heard someone talk about was like, imagine someone who has an eating disorder who goes on the internet and gets triggered by their own search history because of predictive analysis. It’s this weird freaky determinism which is really fucked up. I started making video blogs to be completely vulnerable. I wrote these journals and thought about who I would be if I wasn’t always setting the stage for my existence – it almost feels worse than preparing to perform as an artist…
Basically for my senior thesis I wanted to create clothing. I was thinking about surveillance and anonymity… One of the artists I was looking at used makeup to fool old facial recognition software. Back then it was a lot easier – he created fake shadows on the face. I thought it was so cool that I went, ‘What if I do this with clothing?’ So I’m taking these things called perturbations – basically images that can be recognized by the human eye, but not by a computer… I’m basically making really hot clothing for people using that… A lot of old men have been doing it but it’s really ugly. This is for the baddies…
I used to pull up to classes and people would be like “How are you gonna do your work with those nails?” It was like being Elle Woods – like the black Elle Woods. I want people to realize you can be a nerd and you can shake your ass… you can do whatever you want.
What do you like to wear yourself?
B: Sanrio, Hysteric Glamor, LGB, most of my pants and jackets are Diesel and I’m a slut for vintage Isabel Marant. My favorite local brand is @newyorkcitygunclub. It's run by my friend @brandonvargas and my boyfriend @cmfourfive. I just wear a lot of black and muted colors.
What do you listen to?
Some people on my current playlist are Fallout Boy, Chief Keef, The-Dream, Lana Del Rey, Gyptian, and the song “Backrooms” by my homie, @patwatradio.
Watching anything?
B: Oh yeah I’m watching The Good Place. And Vampire Diaries. Sometimes I catch an occasional glimpse of Snowfall. Lately I’ve been trying not to watch too much TV – I’m just watching it now because I’m braiding my hair.
Have you watched or plan to watch Swarm?
B: Um I haven’t yet. I don’t really want to. I don’t like watching stuff at the same time as a lot of people because I know it’s gonna get spoiled. It’s also like am I gonna gain anything from this? With The Good Place I watch it and I’m genuinely happy to watch it. Like I almost feel like I’m getting smarter. I’ll have a little Good Place moment, but then I’ll watch a couple glimpses of you know Vampire Diaries which is so fake that it’s good…Like they’re so far removed from me. Swarm seems cool though. It just seems really intense.
[I explain the plot of Swarm]
B: Oh maybe I will watch that then. It’s like that thing that people have with their biases online – like they just get so attached to these people like more than just a fan-
Right like parasocial–
B: Yeah exactly. Parasocial relationships. That’s actually really interesting. What do you think of Swarm?
I like it so far but it’s definitely something I need little breaks from.
B: Okay word. I'll watch it soon.
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Damali O’Keefe is a writer, musician, and filmmaker.